As I Lay Living

Numbness. Pointless. Faulknerian manchildren. Larry David. I have tried so hard to beleive the negative philosophies in the world that I've ignored the validity of some of the nicer ones. I should be depressed, I should want to die. But medicines prevent that. Is that unnatural? I tend to believe in many natural aspects of life, aspects that revert to our hunter-gathering lifestyle, the way we were "supposed" to live. Like eating while standing, or being social. Two very strange examples. Elbow Grease. Momentum. I am nervous about Israel, afraid of being alone amongst many. My grades are plummeting, and I have no passion, or at least I do not pursue any that are fulfilling. I need to travel, much like Huck Finn, happiness is a lack of responsibility, and travel offers a type of that lifestyle. Like in previous posts, its all about movement, constant motion, everything in motion to the ocean. The road is the journey and the destination is the self. It may seem foolish to priase the soul-searching McCandless types for their lack of responsibility and care for their families, but as Rand puts it in her Objectivist creed, the goal is for personal happiness. I have come up with this a long time ago, and that was only 8th grade. I invented nihilism last year, and Existentialism this year. Next, who knows? Absurdism? Fuck my sleep. My schedule of sleeping is ridiculous, which is unnatural, something i am not fond of being. Being. Is. Was. Am. Are. Are these words representing something real or did we invent existence? Semantics and Noam Chomsky. Help us. Stutter. Deja Deja Vu. Obama Ben Gurion. Are there inherent truths? What makes a truth? The fact that it is always present? Then are we not truths if we die? Or do truths only surmount to specific units of time? Probably. So is it impossible to identify absolute truths? Science can only offer so many answers. And they are all theories, hypotheses except for laws. Can something be true if it just happens to occur over and over again? That seems weak. A box is true because it continues to exist for a time. Then eventually it becomes untrue. But everything amounts to nothing in the end. So what's the point. Sounds pathetic and stupid, but it seems applicable. Intense unstatisfaction is my motivator here. And I hope i find some. Truly, I do. Only time can tell.