Take Pills

I love Kurt Vonnegut. To death, with puppies and cherries on top and sprinkles and whatnot. The thing is that I've never read any of his books. Now, before you judge me and point your old crinkly index finger at the fluorescent computer screen at three AM with your Imported Brazillian Hazelnut Coffee in the other hand, hear me out. Or read me out. Well, stay, don't go out. So read me in. From the pictures I've seen, the quotes I've read, the stories I've heard and the videos of him, I can tell he knows something, he has some writing power. Magical? More so mathematical. Writing is basically math, but a lot of guessing and subjectivity. I finally learned the difference between subjectivity and objectivity this weekend, after a year of trying to remember the difference. Thanks, Ivan Pavlov. Could be very important one day. KV's aura is so overwhelming, and exudes brilliance in his words, I can't explain it. Even if the books sucked, I would still love him. Its the thought that counts, right? Same with Dylan, Chan Marshall, etc.. Their music could suck, and the lyrics be dumb, but there is something about how they talk and speak and how I perceive them that makes me believe them, put all my trust in them. Idols? Perhaps. False Idols? Perhaps. I don;t care, as long as I believe. It's all I have now, I can't care about the truth anymore. It just doesn't fit. Like the roads I hate, that always lead to something undesirable, even if youre leaving you know where you were and you know you will return. I need to fall in love. I thought I did it too often, but I realized I have never done so. All the women I have wanted to love have been named Lauren and Naomi. Weird, right? Twice, in each case. And also Rena. I hope nobody who knows me reads this. Actually, I don't care, because it doesn't matter anymore, even thought some of those people named have not left my thoughts. Let script run free, the whole point of writing is repetition, isnt it? Or else it woudl just be like writing in the sand or thinking. But I have bad memory. But my point is, truth is impossible. Unless I take pills.